The game starts out in a bar called Fate, which has three Bouncers employed. Why? Shut up. Let's go through them before anyone else, shall we? First up is Sion Barzhad, seen on the left.
Question: What the hell is it called when there is blatant product placement in a game, but the brand is fictional?
Sion is the de facto main character. You could play the game as any of the three, but he gets the box cover and his spikey hair is always poking itself into the plot. First, you may think the art style looks very familiar. This is because the character designer was Tetsuya Nomura, who also did work on the Kingdom Hearts series. Sora always looked like Sion's little brother to me.
Separated at birth?
He's a tough guy who wears ridiculously oversized silver jewlery and delivers his first lines of the game as though he were drunk, which never happens again. In fairness, I'm pretty sure a ninja attack would sober anyone up His story revolves around love, both a of girl who died when he was young and of Dominique Cross. She's the girl in yellow.
Sion totally has the hots for Dominique, who basically serves as the Princess Peach of this game. She gets kidnapped, you must save her. Also, she's jailbait. She's 14. Sion is 19. Yes, the entire point of the game is so that the main character can get his jailbait ass back. Process that. This never has attention called to it, by the way. It just says her age in the manual. Subtle, Squaresoft. Subtle.
I have no witty comment about this.
Next, we have Kou Leifoh (left), voiced by the ever-wonderful Stephen Blum. Kou was always an interesting character because his game path is radically different than Sion's and Volt's. If you play as either of them, he will always crack jokes, seem happy and carefree. If you play as him, he is actually some kind of crazy secret agent (who has like a million tattoos and works at a bar? Sure) and a lot of the events of the game only make even the tiniest bit of sense if you are seeing things from his perspective, like the random fighter jets who pop up to save your ass every now and then.
Then we have Volt (right). He is the stoic. The strong, silent type. Also, he has a cactuar on his jacket, which always made me laugh. His story is honestly pretty damn dull compared to Sion's and Kou's. There's nothing of note here besides a romantic subplot with the ever-slutty Echidna.
No relation. Knuckles is not a total ho.
So, Dominique gets kidnapped by ninjas. Yay. Volt recognizes these ninjas as Special Forces of the Mikado Corporation. There are a number of things wrong with that sentence. First off, if you can recognize who the ninjas work for by their outfits, they're not very good ninjas. Second, if a company has enough money to create their own band of ninjas... I really don't know how to continue that, actually. I really don't know what the effect of a corporation making their own elite ninja squad would be. But anyway, so they run off to the train station because Kou called his secret (and sexy) contact, Leann Cladwell, and she told him there was a train going to Mikado. So they run off to the train station, spot that crazy black panther thing, and then suddenly, ninjas! About a dozen of them! This happens so many times in the game that I'll honestly only mention it when it's particularly interesting, like if the ninjas are on fire.
I honestly could not find any other image for this.
Stuff happens. You may or may not blow up a train filled with rocket fuel. Anyway, you get to Mikado... which looks like some enormous mall tower with hovercraft patrols.
Yes. They have hovercrafts. Just big enough for fights to happen on. Conviiiiiiinient~
Then you crash the hovercraft because fucking hell, none of the bouncers know how to pilot a hovercraft. You crash in the woods, which are filled with cyborg dobermans with glowing red death eyes. Why? Bionoid technology. Also, there's more ninjas. Including this guy.
He has grabby hands. Wonder what he wants to grab.
This is Mugetsu. I love this crazy son of a bitch. He is probably my favorite character in the game because he is just so damn crazy. He's crazy because of Bionoid technology that lets him teleport and set himself on fire. Why? Because Bionoid technology makes you crazy, but crazy is only bundled with ninja, I guess. It's a package deal.
The forest they're fighting in is on top of the mall tower thing, by the way. Then they go to this big glass dome in the middle of the forest where a lady is playing a piano and then she turns into that shiny panther. Besides the shiny panther, there is the main villain of the game, Dauragon C. Mikado.
In retrospect, he reminds me of Liquid Snake. Probably because he's so damn British.
Dauragon (god that's awkard to type) is with Sion's old kung fu master. He then kills him. I'm really not sure why. Sion flips out, gets stopped by the panther and then Dauragon is like "Haha I am going to beat you with one arm chained behind my back." Then you fight him. And the panther. Then Dauragon loses, "It seems I have underestimated you" and then punches Sion so hard he falls over gasping for air. Oh, also. Dominique was unconcious on a bed in this room the whole time. Forgot about that. Then Daurahon snaps his fingers and BOOM! Trap door. The tiles fall out and they all fall what must be hundreds of feet. Then the tiles FLOAT BACK UP and fit back into place. Yeah.
Then, you have to choose who to pick. Sion, Volt or Kou. Flat out, Kou's is EASILY the most entertaining. Because he dresses up as a ninja and pretends to be one. Apparently, all of these ninjas speak in sign language. For the hell of it. They can talk, they just choose not to.
But whatever. Part three coming later.
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